The Official Ranking Of The Victoria’s Secret Angels

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Perhaps more than anything, human beings take pleasure in order. That’s why, as undoubtedly as winter season brings 2pm sundowns and suffering, it likewise brings the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show: an organization that withstands mainly the same, continuing by just making a little less modifications than Kim Kardashian’s cosmetic surgeon. The designs starve themselves. A safe, dull pop act carries out. Among the designs has an OMG SO CUTE “improvised” interaction with the musical act if she’s fucking him. Somebody packs their cans into a $2 million bra. The sun increases on another day.

But that’s insufficient! No, we require a lot more order, specifically when it pertains to evaluating our fellow people. That’s why, beyond running the very same hour-long porno flick for females (that’s likewise porn for males), we’re obliged to “rank” the designs included. “But Head Pro, didn’t you do this in 2015?” you may be questioning. “Wait, that link simply reroutes to this page, this is the exact same URL, this is all a naked SEO grab, right,” a sensible individual may conclude. I do not have responses for that. I certainly willingly re-wrote my own list. I’m a Company Man.

It’s not particularly cool to “rank” human females based upon their “hotness” or “how good their boobs look.” I would never ever do that anyhow due to the fact that I appreciate females a lot that you would not need to ask me if I appreciate females, due to the fact that I would come out and inform you I appreciate ladies prior to you even asked. Rather, I will rank them based upon their bio reactions on the VS site , from least entertaining to a lot of.

14. Jasmine Tookes

Victoria’s Secret asked all the Angels what spice they would be, and 90% of them stated “cinnamon.” That consists of Jasmine, who had actually absolutely nothing intriguing to state. Being quite however tiring is a shitty stereotype, however measuring up to it gets you on the bottom of the list.

13. Stella Maxwell

Most individuals quite plainly recognize as an early morning or night individual, however Stella? Oh, she’s a midday individual. Her profile has lots of contrarian bullshit like that. Righty or lefty? “I’m really ambidextrous.” Pink or red? “I choose blue, however I think red if I need to select.” Unlike Jasmine, who is dull, Stella attempts WAY too tough to appear various and cool.

12. Lily Aldridge

Literally every design likes shooting in gorgeous areas, however they all dislike flying on aircrafts. Truly, that’s the LEAST attractive part of the task, not starving yourself or strutting around in your underclothing in front of leering complete strangers? Get some fucking viewpoint, Lily.

11. Josephine Skriver

Josephine cannot live without her phone, good friends, household, food and sleep. Well, yeah. You’ll pass away after not consuming for about 30 days, and a lot faster without sleep. Jeez, why do you constantly need to take things so actually, Josephine?

10. Taylor Hill

Taylor is incredibly not here for this shit, and I value it. The most attractive part of working for Victoria’s Secret? “Working for Victoria’s Secret.” She likewise wishes to leap from a helicopter with her snowboard, which is quite fucking metal.

9. Candice Swanepoel

Oh sweet, sweet Candice– such an unrequited life. While the majority of the designs want they might see the Great Wall of China or some minor shit, Candice delicately drops that her biggest remorse is that she hasn’t began her “own shelter for mistreated animals or an environmental management company.” Very exact same. Like, you understand you most likely begin an animal shelter?

8. Romee Strijd

One thing Romee wants she could do? Travel stateside with her household. Uhhh you may wish to reassess that, sweetheart. I imply have you ever seen an episode of? The United States is a garbage fire that definitely should have whatever we’ve brought upon ourselves.

7. Martha Hunt

Unlike Josephine, who sagely acknowledges that she cannot live without the really essences of life, Martha is a bit more … metaphorical. She cannot live without her pet dog, bag, household, diamond earrings and preferred watch. She actually noted “canine” and “bag” ahead of household. The sincerity is rejuvenating.

6. Sara Sampaio

Sara is a cool lady who’s much like among the people. Wan na understand how I understand? Since she had pancakes for breakfast the early morning of her interview, and in truth consumes pancakes “throughout the day every day.” I call bullshit. She has never ever even smelled a pancake.

5. Adriana Lima

O.G. Adriana Lima is an easy gal. While other women wish to see the Northern Lights or begin whole federal government companies, all she wishes to do is star in a Quentin Tarantino movie. As long as she’s down with having her toes drew, I believe that can occur.

4. Elsa Hosk

Does Elsa choose chocolate or vanilla? “Neither.” Goddammit, now I wan na understand her offer! Exactly what’s this female’s hangup with traditional ice cream tastes? Does she just consume sorbet? Is she lactose intolerant? There’s absolutely nothing sexier in a lady than dessert intrigue, I constantly state.

3. Lais Ribeiro

What’s something that Lais want to achieve? Actually absolutely nothing, due to the fact that ending up being a VS Angel was her only dream, and she’s accomplished that. Laugh all you desire, however when was the last time you achieved something with such laser focus, Mrs. I’ve-Been-Thinking-Of-Going-To-Law School-For-Almost-A-Decade?

2. Alessandra Ambrosio


1. Behati Prinsloo

Hey did you understand that African native Behati Prinsloo is from Africa, which is where Behati Prinsloo’s from? Well, unlike a lot of ladies, who chose “cinnamon” as their spice, she matured on an African spices called aromat, so that’s exactly what she would be. Since she’s from Africa. Which, if real, why is she white?

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