Riverdale Recap: Riverdale Is Broken Betches

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Welcome back, individuals, to another awesome episode of Riverdale ! Well, not a lot thrilling as entirely absurd and not within the scope of truth, however you get the essence. Last week we understood simply how broken the Riverdale justice system is, and lowkey how broken the Riverdale authors ’ understanding of the legal system is. When last we ended, Archie was headed to juvie using his Sunday finest, Jughead found a dead Dilton Doiley (yes that is a genuine name) all sculpted up in front of an unusual altar, and Betty saw her baby niece and nephew FLY INTO THE AIR. Simply another Wednesday in Riverdale I think. Shall we start?

The episode starts with Archie’ s very first day of jail, which looks suspiciously like a damp tee shirt contest. I’ m discovering it difficult to think that these guards would power hose pipe JUVENILES like they’ re wild pets, however all right. This isn’ t Shawshank, it’s Riverdale!

^ ^ 400;”> An episode of Riverdale or soft core pornography? You choose.

We likewise find out that Betty lives and well. She just had a casual “ tension seizure, ” which triggered her to lose consciousness and is expected to describe why she believed Polly ’ s children might fly. So I think they’ ll simply be typical, ordinary incest infants with webbed feet, however no flying. Great. Also, can somebody with a real medical degree please validate that an individual can really have a seizure from being “ too stressed out? ” Because if that ’ s the case then I ’ m really worried for my health.

Betty ’ s like “ I ’ m fine however what about Juniper and Dagwood ?? ” JUNIPER AND DAGWOOD. I understand Polly is expected to be a farm individual now however MY GOD those names are f * cking dreadful.

Back in the jailhouse, Archie satisfies his cellmate for the very first time and his name seethes Dog. Jesus Christ. Is nobody called, like, Jimmy any longer? No more Will? What about Dan? BEGIN CW, YOU’ RE KILLING ME.

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